Life goes on ?

Golly,I wish I could say that it's all over and I've moved on. The court case was closed and I was aloud to stay with Darry and Sodapop. I'm back at school now, and off bed rest. But, things just haven't been the same.

For the longest time I wanted to believe Johnny wasn't dead. I tried tellin' everyone it was me who had killed the socs boy, But I new all along that that was a lie. My grades were droppin' real low now. I went from gettin' A's in English, to just barely passing, my teacher said if I didn't do good on this last assignment he would have to fail me. Dally wasn't to happy about this, but after what happened with Soda, he wasn't so hard on me.


I felt completely sick to my stomach the night me 'n' Darry found out what we had been doing to Soda. We all had a tough time coping with losing our friends, but Sodapop also lost Sandy, and on top of that, worried about me. Every time me and Darry went at it, Soda was put in the middle. He couldn't chose side, he was too good at understandin' each side and just wanted us to get along. I shoulda noticed he was sad, But I haven't really been ol' myself lately.


I didn't want to do my homework that night so I went to look for another book to read. I had read just about every book in this house about fifty million times. Even some of Darry's books. Finally I picked up Gone with the Wind. A note fell out. It was in Johnny's hand writing. After reading his note it hit me ! The perfect thing to write 'bout, something real important to me. I sat down, and took a moment to remember, to remember a handsome, dark boy with a reckless grin and hot temper - to remember a tough tow headed boy with a cigarette in his mouth and a bitter grin on his face - to remember a quiet defeated looking boy, who had dark eyes with a frightened expression to them. One week had taken them all, and I decided I could tell people. I thought for a while, and then began to write..

One hero. One Hoodlum. Both gone.

It all came floodin' back to me, and as soon as it did, I wished it hadn't. I kept tellin' myself; blank your mind. Don't remember, don't remember. But there was no way I could avoid it. Johnny and Dally are dead.


It happened the night of the rumble. Dally had found a way to escape the hospital making it just in time. The rumble was short, and the socs gave up and ran off, we drove 'em outa their territory. But just as soon as it finished, me 'n' Dally rushed over to the hospital. Johnny was dying, there was no doubt about it. I thought maybe he would look peacefully asleep when he was dead, but he didn't. Johnny looked dead. When the realization hit Dally, he couldn't take it. He bolted through the door and down that hall.



I had to hitch a ride home that night after Dally took off. That was Saturday night, today is Tuesday. I am home now, but I had been at the hospital for a few days. Darry says I was real sick, even delirious. I don't remember bein' in the hospital, but I do remember one thing. Dally had killed himself that night, under a street lamp in the empty lot. The police were on him, he robbed a grocery store and pulled out a gun. The fuzz shot, it was a hit. I knew he was dead before he hit the ground. Dally Winston wanted to die, and he always got what he wanted. Two of me friends died that night, one a hero, the other a hoodlum.

Critical Condition.

I was not lookin' forward to the rumble tonight. Shoot, it was all skin, no weapons. I wasn't feelin' too hot either, but there was no way I was gonna sit out. I'd just take a couple Advil's and suck it up. We were already missin' two of our gang, and even though I was the smallest, I could still hold my own pretty well. But just the thought of the rumble made me worried. After all that's happened lately, it just seems so pointless. Even Randy, the dead soc boy's friend had approached me. He was sick and tired of all this, his best friend was dead now, and even though they had tried to jump us, as he talked to me I learned something about socs. They were real people too, and Randy here was taking it real hard, he wanted to run away and be done with all this for good. He was scared, I didn't know if he would go through with it, but I hope he would.


Dally was pretty dang disappointed he'd be missin' it, he made that real clear when we went to visit him 'n' Johnny at the hospital. Johnny was still in critical condition, we weren't aloud to see him. But Two bit wouldn't take no for an answer, and the doctor came over and told the nurse to let us go on in. It worried me though, Two bit didn't notice, but something 'bout the expression in his voice made me scared. My fears were confirmed when we walked over to his bed side, he wasn't lookin' to good, pale as a ghost, he could barely even speak. When his mom came by, he got real upset and I don't blame him. As far as I knew, Johnny's mom couldn't care less about him. I was real surprised to even see her there, and I guess so was Johnny, he passed out cold arguin' with the nurse about seeing her.


Johnny would never walk again, I was still trying to wrap my head around that, and here the doctor just told us he still might not even pull through. Johnny is too young to die, he doesn't want to die, he doesn't deserve to die. Anyone but Johnny, we could get by with out anyone but him, I felt my stomach drop just thinkin' about it.

Hero's or hood's ?

I never imagined I coulda ever felt this happy to be embraced by Darry. But when him and Sodapop arrived at the hospital, I finally understood what soda was saying all along. I would never again be callin' Darry hard and unfeeling, he had been forced to grow up much to fast, but I could see now as he held back tears that he couldn't bare the thought of losin' another person he loved.



I reckon I'm pretty lucky I got out with only am few burns, it coulda been worse, a lot worse. I still don't know about Johnny, last I saw him he was being wheeled away on a stretcher along with Dally. Johnny was hurt bad, real bad. Dally had a few burns, but that's as much as I was told.

We're supposed to be greasers, hoods, not heroes. Johnny may have gave up his life to save these kids, but he also committed a murder just days ago. My head is still spinnin'. So much has happened in these last couple of days, I just hope Johnny is alright. We've been through it all together, and yet some how I'm going home to a familiar bed, and Johnny's stuck here, alone and hurtin'.

Mistakes.

Glory, we made a real big mistake. This was far beyond anything I think I coulda ever imagined. We left our families, we're runaways now. Poor Johnny is still real traumatized after what he had done. My heart is still poundn', even as I lay here in this run down church, I keep picturing them socs, the five of 'em. The ones that lead to us sleeping here, all alone. Terrified and worried.


They had found us out late at night, a real perfect time for them to jump us greasers. We were stupid, I had been angry and upset with Darry and I hadn't been thinking. I remember being shoved real hard into the icy water of a fountain, held there, I panicked and struggled but his grip was too strong. A red faze filled my mind, when I woke up I was on the hard pavement gasping for air. Johnny was there too, and someone else? A dark puddle surrounded the figure lying there. He was dead, Johnny, quiet little Johnnycakes had stabbed this socs boy with the blade he carries. He saved my life, but the fuzz would be on us soon, this would be all over the paper by tomorrow. This was murder, we had no choice but to run.